When Betrayal Stays in the Body: Why You Still Feel it, and How to Begin Releasing It
Most people understand betrayal as something that breaks the heart. Fewer realize it can also fracture the body. Fewer yet realize how long, and how seemingly randomly, the physical manifestations can show up in the body long after the breaking event.
If you’ve been betrayed - by a partner, a friend, or someone you trusted deeply - you might notice lingering symptoms long after the event: tightness in your chest, pounding heart, chronic jaw tension, difficulty sleeping, digestive upset, a sense of disconnection from your own skin. You’re not imagining it. These are real, physical echoes of a nervous system that had to brace itself for survival.
As a physical therapist who specializes in nervous system regulation and trauma-informed movement, and one who has walked in the very shoes you are walking in, I’ve seen over and over how betrayal doesn’t just hurt emotionally - it lodges itself in tissue, posture, and breath. The body becomes the container for what couldn’t be processed at the time.
Why does betrayal hit so hard?
Because it violates our fundamental sense of safety. The nervous system - especially the vagus nerve - works constantly to scan for cues of safety or danger. When betrayal strikes, especially from someone close, it sends a jarring message: the person (or in my case, people) I trusted most is the source of my harm. This internal confusion can keep your system in a kind of freeze or hypervigilant state for weeks, months, or even years.
What this can look like:
Chronic jaw tension and clenching
Shoulders permanently raised or collapsed
Chronic pelvic tension or abdominal gripping
An inability to fully relax, even in safe spaces
Brain fog that makes learning and growing more difficult than ever before
Flare-ups of old pain with no clear physical cause
These are not signs of weakness. They are signs of a body that tried to hold you together when your world fell apart.
So what can help?
Not just talking. Not just time. But gently, consistently involving the body in healing. Here are a few starting points:
Grounded movement: Slow, intentional movements (like somatic exercises, gentle yoga, or walking with awareness) help reestablish a felt sense of safety and agency.
Nervous system support: Breathwork, vagal toning exercises, and craniosacral or visceral therapies can help shift the body from survival mode into repair.
Touch and connection: Safe, attuned touch—whether through self-contact or skilled practitioners—can rebuild trust in your own body.
Listening inward: The body remembers. Letting it speak through sensation (rather than silencing or pushing through) is often where healing begins.
You are not broken. You were surviving.
And your body - wise, resilient, and always trying to protect you - is still holding the map back to wholeness.